I love LOVE

I love LOVE, to love others, to be loved. It's a beautiful, mystical, empowering thing. LOVE gives us confidence, character and puts a smile on our face. It gives us Hope. It gives us Strength. Love Heals.

A year ago I came across an article written by an amazing and beautiful soul named Bryonie . Her words resonated with me so deeply, on a soul-ular level that it's as if I had written them myself.  Every word comes from a open and vulnerable heart and THAT is pure beauty.

With my 45th Birthday Approaching, her piece on How to Love a Leo is perfect.

 I AM imperfectly perfect and am grounded in this beautiful truth.  I continue to to grow and evolve daily, as each moment contains a beautiful lesson.  I do not apologize for who I am nor choose to change as I am living authentically . In this beautiful space, my heart is alive.

It is through heart ache, that we know what it means to Love.
and in this, my Heart Roars.

 In love and Deep Gratitude.
-A

(a little snippet from the post is below, please click on one of the links  to read the full post )

"She is stubborn—but she is kind and her compassion reaches to the far corners of the earth. In her heart, she holds it all; the joy and the sorrow, the laughter and the tears. As much as she wants you to wrap your arms around her and be held, she also needs long moments to hold herself, for a Leo feels so deeply at times she wonders if it is a blessing or a curse.

So to love a Leo, you must first love yourself; let the space in your togetherness be like the sea and in her rhythm, you will learn the meaning of a heart roar."

Read the rest Here

Brightstar and Buffalo

I am grateful for social media. I have met some of the most beautiful, compassionate and talented people through Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. It's amazing to meet like minded souls that are in other states or other parts of the world , yet be able to close the gap and connect through the internet.

I met Natalie on Instagram. She is the creative force behind Brightstar and Buffalo. The website drew me in immediately, not for what she was selling but for the comfort the site brought to my heart and soul. Such beauty on every web page and filled with powerful intention and purpose. The pieces on Brightstar and Buffalo speak to the yogi in me, the earthy girl that craves to be adorned in pieces that speak to my heart and remind me to live in love and light.

I received the Solar Union dvAra Wall Hanging and was so pleased with the detail and craftmanship. It is made with recycled metals and beautiful sari yarn and hangs where I can see it every morning. It is in my Sacred Space, the place in my home that settles me and brings me so much comfort and peace.  I love being surrounded by beautiful things, and this piece speaks to my heart.

My children are in LOVE with the hand made mala necklaces that Brightstar and Buffalo makes. They are whimsical and beautiful yet help children become focused and balanced . Each mala focuses on one of the Chakras and is made from recycled pine with hand etching and hung on an organic hemp cord. The children's malas are one of my absolute favorite items that Natalie offers.

Take some time to stop by her Instagram Page  and say hello and check out the Website  and get lost in its pure beauty , I promise you'll be captivated as something will speak to your soul. 

In Love and Light

-A

I Got Lost

July 1st, 2015 - journal entry

I have been anxious for a few weeks. This is a new feeling for me, the uneasiness, the lack of sleep, my mind constantly racing. I am human and one little detour off of my path,one day of not taking care of ME, made me lose my way. 

 I have always been so grounded, faithful, patient and full of gratitude. Knowing and allowing the universe to guide my way and allowing my heart to know what it is that fuels me.

 For the last couple of months I have been bombarded with 3 deaths in the family which meant lots of last minute travel, a diagnosis for my son that blind sided me and financial repercussions from my divorce that I wasn't expecting. I started wondering where we would be living next year instead of just being grateful for where we are living now. I worried about my son day and night and worried about my finances.  What else did I do? I  stopped my daily routine. My routine of reading, writing in my journal, creating art, meditating and practicing Yoga and I got lost in day to day life. I stopped hanging with my "tribe", those women that support me and fuel me.  I stopped living in the present and allowed stressing over the past and worrying about the future to take control. I let worry, fear, stress, anger, insecurity and  uncertainty become the primary forces in my day to day routine. Racing through each day without focus and intention, without gratitude, without love left me empty.

I am thankful for those in my "tribe" that notice when I get quiet. That hear my silence and come to get me and pull me up for air. Reinforcing to me that I know what to do, that the power is within ME to get back to that place and space of beauty, gratitude and abundance in my life. 

We are all the same and divinely connected to one another and that , to me, is one of the most amazing things ever. The knowing that we are not alone. The ability of placing our hand over our heart and feeling the beat of our own heart, yet also the heartbeat of others.Being Present. Being Connected. Deep Gratitude.

I found my way back, I am Present. I have my routine of Self-Care that grounds and guides me and allows me to Just Be.  Although we all may get lost at times, the most important part is finding our way back.

In love and gratitude.

-A 

Avoiding love.

..Avoidance doesn't give you resolution. 

For a couple of months I've been avoiding a situation in order to shut it out of my mind , to numb my heart from feeling pain. I knew it wouldn't work l but I pushed through with trying my best to not think about the situation , to allow my heart to go on hiatus . 

 What happened instead is that I felt disconnected , lost , unsure and cold. This is not me, yet it's what happened when I avoided my feelings , when I avoided dealing with matters of the heart. 

 

The universe is funny in a way.. Showing you everything that you want and need , allowing every cell in your body to feel alive again, then in one instant taking it from you. A cruel trick ? Or simply a lesson on patience , faith and trust ? Or maybe it's all something that happened in my mind but didn't happen in reality ? The questions, the thoughts are all overwhelming and make me scream and cry and question it all .. And go numb. My heart goes numb yet again. Because when it's numb I don't have to wonder about anything, and when it's numb I can't hurt... Yet when it's numb, I can't love . I can't love . 

And more than anything in this world , I want love . I want to love with every ounce of my being, so hard that I can't breathe, nor sleep.. Because then I know I'm alive and thriving, not merely surviving . I want to love out loud and quietly , I want to love hard and in the gentlest of ways. I want to love with compassion, trust and faith. I want to love with complete vulnerability . I want to love you, simply and without a doubt, just you. But today and everyday until then,  I protect my heart from the unknown . 

Holding Space

I've learned so much in the past few months . I feel like i've grown in leaps and bounds...my head and heart have opened. I've learned to forgive and to let go, I've learned how to love unconditionally . I've learned how to " HOLD SPACE". I'm learning each and every day how to JUST BE. There is power in strength in holding space versus desperation in waiting for something to happen, they are not one in the same.


Holding Space
What it means to me is:

Letting Go of Judgement
not judging another persons actions and instead allowing them to evolve at their own time and pace without feeling the need to comment,criticize or judge.

Opening Your Heart
Allowing your heart to be open and remain open while holding space. Speaking , Doing and Being from a place of unconditional Love.

Allowing things to JUST BE
Allowing the other person to go through the experience without trying to control the outcome. Not giving input or pushing things in one direction or another, simply being there for them with no expectation. Trusting the process.

Holding space for another person is a beautiful thing, it takes strength, courage, patience , trust and faith.  It is the intention to allow things to unfold just as they may.

Many situations can require holding space for another : birth, death, healing, divorce, end of a job or relationship or many other life changes. The key is to allow yourself and the other person to Just Be and to trust the process. 

In Peace and Love,
-A

I choose happiness

I look at this picture of myself and I see a different woman than I was a few years ago . I see a woman that has transitioned to a place of peace, love and joy.. A woman that has let go of fear, uncertainty and doubt. I am always growing , that's a fact . Yet for so many years I hid parts of myself , because of fear of what others  would think . I knew that I did not fit into any box and that I needed to follow a different path , to follow my heart .

I believe in love and passion and kindness . I believe in taking care of myself and others - mind , body and spirit . I believe in compassion and taking care of the Environment. I believe that it is my job to teach all of this to my children so that they know how to live their lives in such away that they continue to shine bright from within. 

This beautiful journey of life offers twists and turns and takes us to the darkest depths in order to expose the most beautiful gifts and blessings . I AM grateful for it all and continue to strive to live authentically with divine guidance . 

Many years ago as I sat in my uncertainty and fear... Today I choose happiness .

In Peace and Love

-A

Just Be

My grandmother was one of the most special people in my life. She was so much more than my grandmother, she was a mother and friend, a soul mate of sorts as she and I were on the same spiritual path of living authentically yet she left her body before she achieved what she wanted.

My grandmother was the first person to tell me that I was a good mother, a good wife, a good person. Many people say these things about people, but how often do you actually tell this TO the person? She molded me into the woman that I am today. A woman of strength, dignity and compassion. A woman who is deeply spiritual and lives from the heart. She taught me the power of LOVE.

She was one of the most amazing people that I have met in my lifetime. I miss our daily talks and her funny sayings that I find myself sharing with my own children . She sends me messages at times to let me know that she is here...her body is gone, yet her spirit lives on inside of me, and inside of my children and in those to follow.

Anyone that knows me , knows how important the words JUST BE are to me. They are the words on my license plate, a painting in my home and they are tattooed on my wrist. These were the words of my dear grandmother, Margaret , words that she instilled in me when I was confused or hurting or torn with indecisiveness. She would say, "Angel, JUST BE, let things happen as they should" .

So many times during the past few years of transition in my life, I have turned to these words to comfort me. They soothe my soul as only words from a loved one can. The words alone, let me know that everything will turn out as it should and that the ability to JUST BE is the most authentic and loving thing I can do for myself and for those that I love.

Somehow this beautiful song showed up today ...and it tore my heart wide open and  allowed love to completely flow over me.

In Peace and Love,
A

I am here

I can feel it coming. A huge change .
It's like my body knows what my mind can't comprehend.
My mind over thinks, while my body just Feels.

I've been feeling unsettled , uneasy, can't sleep through the night. My mind is continuously going.
So here at 3 am I sit. My mat called me, to get out of my head and into my body. To allow my body to flow and move until my head was clear. To release, to let go, to be vulnerable. To cry.

To cry and cry some more. Tears heal, so does laughter but tonight (it's actually morning) I cried.

I listen, as the Universe knows exactly what I need. What I need to forgive, to heal ,to let go , to be Free.
It's uncertainty that's gotten to me. Uncertainty causes anxiety. I don't do anxiety so I graciously sit in silence and allow it to manifest and release it. I LET IT GO! you see, anxiety, fear and all that comes with it...aren't allowed here because they don't allow me to live to my fullest potential. They keep us stuck...stuck in deep, unhappy place which doesn't allow for growth.

So I do all the things that pull me out..that allow me to breathe again , that give me hope again, that take me back to that deep place of freedom and love.

Yoga.
Calming Essential Oils.
Meditation.
Journaling.

and little by little, it all makes sense as difficult times lead to breakthroughs. Trust and Faith lead to calmness of the mind. Yoga practice on my mat reconnects me mind, body and spirit and once again I feel free.

Maybe it was just getting rid of the old to make way for the new just taking guidance from Nature.  It's Spring Equinox,the first day of Spring. A time when Earth cleanses and releases all of the cold and snow, to welcome Spring and new beginnings.  A time when things regain balance and light and dark are equal today.

I am here.
alive and well
grateful and blessed
humble and compassionate
living each day fully
I am allowing myself the freedom to
Just Be.

-A

Mistakes

We all make mistakes yet how we deal with them is most important . For me , sometimes I want something here and now and loose the concept of patience and faith . I slip up, I make a mistake, I do something that is spur of the moment yet if I'd thought about it, I wouldn't have done it. I AM HUMAN . 

I sit and reflect and learn and know in my heart that things happen when and how they are supposed to. Nothing I do or say will rush things along, at least not with ease . There is power in letting go, in trusting, in having faith and patience .

Thank goodness for mistakes as its how we learn , how we grow and gives us the ability to move forward from a place love. Making time each day to sit quietly allows my thoughts and answers to flow freely. Forgiving , trusting and having faith in all things to come .

There is power in allowing things to Just Be. 

In Love

-A

Twin Flame

I came across this today, and it resonated so deeply that I had to sit and let it sink in. I had to feel this in every cell of my body, allow it to penetrate into my core. Knowing that this was written so long ago yet describes what I feel today and everyday is truly divine.

I love you without knowing how or when or from where.
I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no You or I, so intimate that my hand upon my chest is your hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep, Your eyes close.

-Pablo Neruda

2015

I don't make resolutions as those are made to be broken, they set you up to feel disappointed or that you didn't achieve your goals. I know what I want more of and definitely know what I want less of in my life.

So in 2015 I want:

More walks in the rain, to watch more sunsets and sun rises, to laugh until it hurts, to stare into my soul mates eyes, more quality time with family and friends, to travel and explore , financial freedom, to allow my children to be children and to be a child again right along with them, time to connect spiritually , to know that everything is going to be alright, to Just Be, to run, more yoga, more delicious food and wine, time with the ones I love . 

Less time restraints and rushed conversations, less texting and emailing, less technology  , less wondering and questioning , less worrying , less meaningless interactions, less stress, less uncertainty...less of the things that no longer serve me.

Giving Thanks Today and Everyday

A gentle reminder to practice Gratitude and Thankfulness Each Day. I give Thanks to those sharing in this beautiful journey of Life with me. I AM GRATEFUL . 

A little music for the soul.

"And these happy feelings, I'll spread them all over the world...from deep in my Soul"

Peace and Love.
-A

Yoga and Divorce

Yoga and Divorce

A story of love, marriage, divorce and finding myself. And Yoga, don't forget Yoga!

I joked with a friend that yoga caused me to get divorced. Not completely accurate but a lot of truth to it. My marriage had been in that “state”of stuck for a long time. We were roommates raising children and sharing a home for years. Our level of interest in one another was pretty low, it became more of a challenge to communicate with one another and doing things together was more of routine than anything else. Everything became routine. And as we all know, routine gets boring. Feeling lonely in a marriage is big NO NO. When two people are unhappy why do we feel the need to continue in that unhappiness? To force things for the sake of our children or stay together because of what others will think. Thus teaching our children that its ok to stay in an unhappy situation, to find comfort in unhappiness? We lived in a clouded haze for years, the days just melting into one another, year after year and led everyone else to think that all was perfect. After all, we had everything that should make someone happy. A well paying job, a nice home in an affluent neighborhood, 3 wonderful children and anything else that society deems necessary to obtain happiness. What was missing was our connection with one another: openness, trust, vulnerability and the ability to listen. These are all the foundation for a deeper connection, a connection of the souls.

Going through a yoga teacher training program made me aware of so much more. For the first time in a long time I felt like I was understanding who I was again. I was regaining my power and filling my heart and soul in a way that I never had before. This was amazing for me, yet not so amazing for a relationship that was not so stable and which suddenly made my husband feel like he no longer knew who I was. I felt kind of weird saying it, but it was true. He thought his wife had an alter ego or was in need of therapy but in actuality this is who I had always been deep down it side. The "real me" had been covered up and hidden while I became a person that I was supposed to be . I had lost myself.

I had friends ask how I was so calm and positive during my divorce. The only response I had was: Yoga. I'm not an expert on anything, so don’t expect any “aha” moments here, just my truth. I am 43 44 year old mom of 3 that decided she wanted to change her life and had enough courage to do so. Somehow I didn't go completely nuts or become depressed and I owe it to Yoga. So over the next few posts I'll be sharing, my ups and downs and how Yoga somehow kept me sane during my divorce.

Grab a glass of wine and turn the page.

I CHOOSE LOVE

Until you LOVE yourself completely and without reservation. You can not share that Love with another.

I choose to wake up and live from a place of Love. I choose to tell people that I LOVE them. I choose to BE the light in a dark world. I choose to LOVE all of my imperfections and to keep working on myself in order to grow into the best version of ME possible.  I choose to make the conscious decision to make sure that my words and deeds align with truth and light. THIS IS LOVE.

Every single day, In every single situation... I CHOOSE LOVE

who I AM

I AM

a woman. a mother. a sister. a daughter. an aunt. a cousin. a friend.
in love with the sun, water, the changes of season.
a lover of the beach, the mountains and the forest.
a lover of all animals ,big and small 

imperfectly perfect and a beautiful mess.
random and a free spirit and oh so passionate.
speaking, walking and living my truth.
beautiful.

 a lover of red wine and chocolate.
and popcorn too.
a woman that eats to live not live to eat.

emotional.
unpredictable.
kind and sincere.

a Lover of LOVE.
resonating love.
giving of love.
deserving of love.

I AM LOVE.

The gift

I truly believe that you are exactly where you are at the present moment for a reason. Every interaction you have, every circumstance you encounter .. All have a purpose. Every single thing is a GIFT to either learn from or grow from.

When you face each day with purpose versus seeing events as random, things shift. Your life shifts in the most amazing ways when your eyes and heart are open to receive . Life has a funny way of sending us signals, of guiding us in the right direction . Many people miss these signals because of the inability to see things with an open heart and mind . Living from fear or by societies "standards" versus living authentically can hinder your ability to move forward in life and enjoy all that life has to offer . We were not put on this earth the be afraid , sad, heart broken or mistreated yet so many settle and live this way. We are here to live of our  best and highest ability. To live and grow from a place of Love. 

When you know better ,you do better .

In Love
-A

Happy Birthday to Me

Today is my 44th birthday . I like to think I'm not 44 years old but 44 years wise. Grateful for everything that has led me to right where I am. Last year was a challenge in so many ways, but also the year where I grew so much as a person. 

Last year I ran 3 half marathons, a 10k a 9k , a mud run and a color run. Thankful for my legs for carrying me!

I was able to be there for my children every single day. Thru tears and laughter, sadness and happiness , I was able to be there to support and comfort them. Grateful to be a stay at home mom .

Thankful for my good health and my willingness to learn and grow daily.  Thankful for my many friends who have been honest with me even when it hurt, comforted me when I was in pain , and loved me unconditionally .  I am blessed to have such amazing people in my life .

It has been a year of learning and growing, heartache and happiness , finding my faith and living authentically. 

Wishing myself a year of peace, happiness, abundance and good health. Living and loving with an open heart.

When we know that anything is possible ... ANYTHING is possible!! Creating the life I've always imagined, one day at a time. 

thank you for being a part of my journey.

In Love

-A

Be Your Best Self

A week ago my life changed. Not in some crazy kind of way but in one of the gentlest most loving ways possible. Totally unexpected yet completely appreciated. 

There are many people that I look up to and admire, people that live their lives in the way I aspire to. Living with faith, love and honesty in their hearts. A conversation with one of these people, a dear friend for over 20 years, inspired me even more to live my life authentically .

Over the years I have read books, watched videos and attended seminars on living an authentic life ,finding my passion, living from love not fear, discovering my true self. In this exploration ,I have grown into the woman that I am today.. A strong woman, one with the courage to leave an  un-fulfilling marriage and  the strength and ability to co-parent with a love filled heart , a woman that knows that I am worthy , I  am lovable and I am enough. A woman that has come to realize that thru my struggles I have grown to love myself even more than I could imagine and that I am imperfectly perfect and am absolutely ok with that.  

It is so rare to have someone speak to you with such love in their heart, with compassion and conviction.  What he did for me was give me hope and re-affirm purpose. Not that I had ever lost hope, but he reminded me that we can all have whatever we want in this beautiful thing called life .  He reminded me to continue doing what I have been doing : living my truth and being the best that I can be. I have re-evaluated things in my life since our conversation and removed things and people that don't align with my soul . I am focused on taking care of ME, mind (reading and continuously seeking and  learning) , body (eating what nourishes my body and keeping my body in optimal health by moving it everyday), and spirit (praying, meditating , journaling). THIS is the gift he gave me, the gift of knowing /following my truth and purpose .

We can never settle or live a life less than what we imagine, as it isn't our truth. I am forever grateful for my friend, for his kind words and his open heart. He is proud of me and I am blessed to call him my friend. 

Live each day fully and from a place of truth and love ❤️

JUST BE

-A

Connection

There are some people in this world that you are connected to. That no matter how many miles between you, that no matter what circumstances may arise.. Your souls are intertwined and connected for eternity. 

People talk about soul mates in such interesting ways, that they complete you , that it just feels "right" , that they know each other's thoughts or can finish each other's sentences and I agree with that but I also feel that there is more. I believe that soul mates push you and challenge you to be the best version of you possible. What that means is that they push you outside of your comfort zone , encouraging you to dig deeper inside of yourself for your truth and purpose. If two people merely come together and never lift one another higher , things become stagnant. The same is true when one person seeks truth and growth and the other does not. The power of a soul mate is in the depth of which they share themselves with you, the transparency ,the trust, and the vulnerability that they are so willing to display. Living from a place of love and never from a place of fear.

A soul mate shows up in all forms: friends, lovers, family, co-workers... There are just some people that you connect with on a soul-ular level. Pay attention ,open your heart and accept all that comes your way in this  amazing life that we are given. 

Live each day fully and be present in the moment so that you recognize the gifts all around you. 

JUST BE.. Open,loving,kind,compassionate, faithful, strong, generous... The best version of YOU possible❤️

Living authentically

I've been wanting to write here again for so long. Yet kept putting it off, keeping the words, thoughts and emotions inside.  

And then when I take time to actually put the words on paper... I can't, because I have so many thoughts at once. Several different stories to tell yet all intertwined as one. Tales of love and loss, new beginnings, wanderlust , connection, friendship and my yogi travels. Stories of hope and of disappointment , feelings of excitement and sadness , the feeling of butterflies in my stomach as well as feeling that dull pain in my heart . The urge to protect myself yet knowing that I can't live fully while being fearful, being afraid to live and love openly and honestly does not align with who I am. I choose to live my life authentically .

So here I am, rough around the edges, a little scarred but so amazingly strong and imperfectly perfect. Living each day to it's fullest . Full of forgiveness , love,

Compassion and feeling blessed and grateful for each experience. My dear friend Pilar told me that Nothing happens by coincidence, everything happens for a reason.. You meet people to either teach them a lessons or to learn a life lesson from them.  Pretty simple when you think about it, yet also pretty amazing. 

So I guess I end this today by saying, be kind ,caring and compassionate to yourself and also to others .  Live your life from a place of love and authenticity .

-A