Avoiding love.

..Avoidance doesn't give you resolution. 

For a couple of months I've been avoiding a situation in order to shut it out of my mind , to numb my heart from feeling pain. I knew it wouldn't work l but I pushed through with trying my best to not think about the situation , to allow my heart to go on hiatus . 

 What happened instead is that I felt disconnected , lost , unsure and cold. This is not me, yet it's what happened when I avoided my feelings , when I avoided dealing with matters of the heart. 

 

The universe is funny in a way.. Showing you everything that you want and need , allowing every cell in your body to feel alive again, then in one instant taking it from you. A cruel trick ? Or simply a lesson on patience , faith and trust ? Or maybe it's all something that happened in my mind but didn't happen in reality ? The questions, the thoughts are all overwhelming and make me scream and cry and question it all .. And go numb. My heart goes numb yet again. Because when it's numb I don't have to wonder about anything, and when it's numb I can't hurt... Yet when it's numb, I can't love . I can't love . 

And more than anything in this world , I want love . I want to love with every ounce of my being, so hard that I can't breathe, nor sleep.. Because then I know I'm alive and thriving, not merely surviving . I want to love out loud and quietly , I want to love hard and in the gentlest of ways. I want to love with compassion, trust and faith. I want to love with complete vulnerability . I want to love you, simply and without a doubt, just you. But today and everyday until then,  I protect my heart from the unknown . 

Twin Flame

I came across this today, and it resonated so deeply that I had to sit and let it sink in. I had to feel this in every cell of my body, allow it to penetrate into my core. Knowing that this was written so long ago yet describes what I feel today and everyday is truly divine.

I love you without knowing how or when or from where.
I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no You or I, so intimate that my hand upon my chest is your hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep, Your eyes close.

-Pablo Neruda

Connection

There are some people in this world that you are connected to. That no matter how many miles between you, that no matter what circumstances may arise.. Your souls are intertwined and connected for eternity. 

People talk about soul mates in such interesting ways, that they complete you , that it just feels "right" , that they know each other's thoughts or can finish each other's sentences and I agree with that but I also feel that there is more. I believe that soul mates push you and challenge you to be the best version of you possible. What that means is that they push you outside of your comfort zone , encouraging you to dig deeper inside of yourself for your truth and purpose. If two people merely come together and never lift one another higher , things become stagnant. The same is true when one person seeks truth and growth and the other does not. The power of a soul mate is in the depth of which they share themselves with you, the transparency ,the trust, and the vulnerability that they are so willing to display. Living from a place of love and never from a place of fear.

A soul mate shows up in all forms: friends, lovers, family, co-workers... There are just some people that you connect with on a soul-ular level. Pay attention ,open your heart and accept all that comes your way in this  amazing life that we are given. 

Live each day fully and be present in the moment so that you recognize the gifts all around you. 

JUST BE.. Open,loving,kind,compassionate, faithful, strong, generous... The best version of YOU possible❤️