The Difference a Year Can Make

A year ago my life was so different . I was complacent, living day to day but not enjoy life. Everything was a task to be done and most things seemed like a hassle. I had lost my drive, my spirit , my sparkle so to say. I was lost within my own body, a stranger to myself. All of the labels that others had given me were there, but to me they were just THAT.. Labels and nothing more.

The forst thing I did was I learned to say NO! I say no to things that do not align with who I am.. Things that I know are not good for me or my family get a firm and flat out NO.. And no explanation needed. If it doesnt feel right with my soul, it's a NO!

Fast forward a year. My life has changed by leaps and bounds. The first and most important change came from within. I took control of my life and my own happiness. It was difficult, I lost friends,distanced myself from certain family members(which was hard as h*ll.. Cuz family is blood, like there forever and here I am choosing not to be around a family member, just mark my forehead with a red X already )

 and chose to be surrounded with those that uplift me . I started living authentically again.. Full of honesty and without fears. I started to live from a place of love and when making choices asked myself: Is this in line with who I am? Am I doing this to please someone else or does it fill my soul with joy and happiness? My husband (whom i am separated from.. Happy to get that out there in the OPEN.. Whew.. Now lets move on) said he didn't know me anymore , that I have changed but in all actuality I just wanted to live authentically..so yes, I was a no longer the same person. I was growing/changing into who I knew I was on the inside. Is my life easy right now? Absolutely not, it's filled with uncertainty and the stress of trying to keep my children in a stable environment while dealing with adult issues.

 I'm not a man so don't really know how they think.. But I do know that as women, we are very intuitive, very in touch with our feelings, very soulful, and full of life and vibrancy.  So when someone tells you that you feel TOO much , I look at our world and tell them that the lack of feeling is what has got us where we are today. A world of chaos and turmoil, of people that are empty inside and always trying to live up to someone elses expectations yet are full of sadness.  People that are harming one another and themselves because they don't know how to love . 

So I am moving forward, one day at a time. I am surrounding myself with all that brings me joy.. I am living authentically and eager for all of the blessings that are headed my way.

So grateful for the lessons and for the storm that I'm in, because with this challenge comes great change.

Yoga Heals

Little by little, Yoga has become more prominent in my life. What started out 10 years ago as me going to a pre-natal yoga class slowly became me attending classes weekly, teaching my kids and girl scouts yoga and finally me taking teacher training and sharing my joy of yoga with others.  Each of these steps over the years has re-connected me with myself..guiding me on my journey of self discovery and transition. 

It's funny, I never expected yoga to completely change my life, to turn my world upside down and to open my eyes to all around me. For the first time in years I can see things clearly, no longer looking at things from the outside in, feeling like a stranger in my own life. No longer feeling that I had to go with the flow...or just blend in. Instead making choices of which way to turn and which path to take. 

Let's face it, most of my life, I was the one that stuck out in the family. The earthy one, the hippie, the one who wouldn't eat meat,(nor touch it)the one that wanted to have babies and nurse them, the one that loved laying in the grass and enjoyed taking care of animals.This was in a family that said "eat what you are given and do as you are told", and "nursing is for animals" and gave no value to my difference of opinion,  so I became the shy, introverted child.  I grew up in a matriarchal family...my grandmother was the head of the family..with my mom and aunt right behind her..strong willed and stubborn. Hard working women, single mothers....no time to enjoy life nor all that it had to offer. Simply going thru each day without living life at its fullest. Maybe they didn't know how to live differently? How to slow down and LIVE, how to give and receive love openly, how to be Present in the moment. I chose a different path from them, because I wanted a different outcome. Not that their way was "wrong" but it wasn't "right" for me. We each have the ability to change old patterns and to move forward with our own lives, to enjoy our own journey. 

I don't want to live up to someone else's expectation of what I'm supposed to be. I AM ME.I'm Imperfectly Perfect at its best.  Confident, strong, silly, free spirited, random, passionate, loving, giving and am usually pretty extreme. I experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows and sometimes all in the same day. It's just who I am, and I love me AS IS.

Yoga heals us from hurt and pain, helps us to open our hearts to all that is waiting for us. 

Namaste

Change

Change is inevitable...we can fight it, or we can embrace it and go along for the ride. We become so afraid of what might happen or what might go wrong, that sometimes we stop ourselves from growing, moving forward, transitioning to all that is waiting for us. What if, instead of being afraid of the storm, you stood in the middle of it and said "Let's Do This!" and dealt with the fear and uncertainty with great strength? We are all so quick to be thankful for what is on the other side of our struggles, but what would happened if you were grateful THRU the struggle , for it is the struggle itself that takes you to something better.

This past year has been quite the time of change for me in all areas of my life..some easy, some difficult but all the same, they are changes that are a part of my story, a part of my journey.  My dear friend told me that I can choose my own happy ending...and with her words I became empowered, once again finding my inner stregnth to make the choices that I needed to make in my life. One day at a time, one moment at a time...embrace the change and move forward.

Some of my favorite quotes about life changes:

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"
" When things didn't go her way, she adjusted her sails"
"Sometimes instead of waiting for the storm to pass, dance in the rain"
"You never know how strong you can be, until Strong is the only choice you have"

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-A